Gavin Williamson has always reminded me of a nasty, snivelling prefect from my school days in the 70s.
Barry was a weedy little twerp who grassed on classmates, sucked up to teachers and always volunteered to stay behind and clean the blackboards after double maths.
But, once he’d got his little badge, he turned into a tyrant, stalking the corridors at break looking for miscreants to put on special report.
Barry was desperate to be elected head boy, too. He even took to walking round whacking a ruler against his hand like our fearsome deputy head.
But, just before the student council got to vote, another prefect discovered him flushing a first year’s head down the loo.
So Barry was stripped of his badge and forced to apologise on stage during assembly. How we sniggered!
I hope Gavin Williamson’s tough-guy act backfires just as spectacularly.
Because the Education Secretary is another weedy little twerp with a power complex who’s got no idea how to get the best out of school kids.
He’s just announced a Dickensian-style crackdown to restore “discipline and order” to classrooms.
And he’s spending another £10million we haven’t got on “behaviour hubs” to tackle all the naughty pupils who are acting up because their parents were too soft on them when home schooling.
Hand over that phone, boy! Sit up straight, young lady! It’s time to pull your socks up!!
Although there is absolutely NO evidence that children’s behaviour has worsened during lockdown or that parents so worried for their futures just let the little darlings run riot.
In fact teachers’ leaders and children’s charities say pupils are so relieved to be back with their classmates that behaviour is better than ever.
And most schools already have no-phone policies and well-defined disciplinary codes.
So it’s Mr Williamson’s behaviour which is really out of order. He mucked up exams and presided over the schools open-schools shut debacle.
And now the former Chief Whip, who still keeps an actual whip on his desk to show he’s a Tory tough guy, wants to put a bit of stick about in the classroom (metaphorically, of course).
What a dunce. The Education Secretary is clearly incapable of improving his grades.
So it’s time for bully-boy Gavin to leave his desk and report to the headmaster’s office for detention.
Then write out 200 times in his best handwriting “I resign, I resign, I resign…”