As a young and reckless foreign correspondent I had a sweary encounter with a prime minister which could have gone horribly wrong.
The Caribbean island of Grenada – beautiful place, if you haven’t been, go – had been taken over by communists in a military coup.
In my defence it had already been a trying day. The light aircraft which flew me in nearly crashed.
On landing I was arrested by revolutionary guards.
Teenagers manning roadblocks held their homemade 12 bore guns to my head.
And when a soldier’s rifle accidentally went off in the chaos, the bullet missed my little toe by inches.
But worse, far worse, they took my passport and press cards, my vital identification.
So I let rip.
Demanding, with four-letter additives, to see someone with authority in their mickey mouse government.
Eventually a bearded bloke in jeans appeared and produced my ID from his back pocket.
“About f****** time. And who the f*** are you?”
Beardy handed over my precious documents with a broad grin and said: “I’m the prime minister.”
Well, f*** me! You could have knocked me down with a Kalishnikov.
I got on famously with Maurice Bishop after that, and was genuinely saddened when a firing squad executed him in the 1983 counter-coup four years later.
But I’d been such an idiot.
Bishop’s People’s Revolutionary Government was only going five minutes before an angry white man from the island’s imperial past was effing and blinding at it.
I stood to lose more than a small toe.
Language is important. It’s not just sticks and stones which break bones but words, too.
Donald Trump’s finger wasn’t on the trigger at the El Paso Walmart massacre killing twenty people, but his mouth was.
His racist “gangster and rapist” rhetoric against Mexicans gave warped legitimacy to someone wanting to shoot them.
Jeremy Corbyn isn’t anti-Semitic but careless language over Israel inflames supporters who are.
Boris Johnson has been PM 26 days and so far resisted repeating the comparison of veiled women to letterboxes, instead praising Muslims for “making Britain a success”.
He understands the power of words.
So he’s not using the words General Election. There’ll be one soon one way or another, but he’ll do his damndest not to call it.
Latest polling shows Johnson would fall 30 seats short of an overall majority.
Labour fares even worse. More than 60 seats behind the Tories – the same number of MPs predicted for the reviving Lib Dems .
On these figures Jeremy Corbyn would need both SNP AND Jo Swinson’s backing to form a solid government.
So when it comes to elections mum’s the word.
I’m not buying into this sexism
When Green MP Caroline Lucas seriously suggested an all-women emergency Cabinet to stop No Deal I had to check I’d not been asleep for seven months and woken up on April 1st.
The Conservative Woman website branded this sexist as did Cabinet minister Liz Truss who is a Conservative woman – though not a Conservative Woman.
They’re a rum lot, are ConWom.
They say: “Feminism’s job is done.
“Women’s battle for equality was won years ago. Women are on top today.”
They don’t like David Cameron or Theresa May, do like marriage, though not the same-sex variety.
They don’t like #MeToo, do like stay at home mothers, and don’t like the State telling them how to use their organs…transplant wise that is.
And they do like emailing me articles each day.
Last week I was told: “Women are sellers. Men are buyers.
“Women absolutely demand that men pursue them. It’s how the game is played.”
Really? Sounds sexist to me.
Take Eur pick – distasteful or disastrous
One of two Brexit extremes – disastrous No Deal or distasteful second referendum – is now more likely than ever.
Boris Johnson doesn’t want a deal.
He’s gone from asking for changes to the Irish backstop to demanding its removal.
Former Chancellor Philip Hammond says: “It’s a pivot from a tough negotiating stance to a wrecking one.”
The only way Parliament can stop No Deal is to postpone Brexit beyond October 31st to make time for the second referendum.
The people have spoken and will resent being ordered to speak again.
No Deal is calamitous, too.
Northern Ireland may peel off from the UK closely followed by Scotland.
Wales will probably stay put, but if the other two make a decent fist of independence then again maybe not.
No Deal creates the climate to make the union extinct.
Which is why Hammond is plotting his own extinction rebellion.
Tony and Claudia dancing on ice
Only a few people in the know…er… know this.
Tony Blair’s next door neighbour in London is Claudia Winkleman but neither advertises the fact.
That’s Strictly confidential.
It’s double-dutch to Angela Merkel
Linguists at Berlin-based language learning app Babbel analysed the foreign lingo skills of recent British PMs.
They pronounced Boris Johnson’s French as excellent but say that Theresa May can’t pronounce the word Europe properly in German.
Which might explain why her Brexit demands never got beyond first base with Angela Merkel.
No deal for foreign students
Skills minister Jo Johnson said: “The UK government recognises the value of international students.”
I’ll bet it does. Both Jo and big brother Boris were international students themselves – at the European School in Brussels.
It may explain why they’re so keen on increasing the number of foreigners studying in Britain to 600,000 by 2030, a third more than now.
A target which would be scuppered by their No Deal Brexit.